Although I was thrilled to be chosen as your auspicious host, I believe that our relationship is over. Really, it’s over. Get your shit out of my closet, clean out my sinuses, and get packing. You are freakish and unnatural. You exhaust me. No 21-year-old should have the energy of an unhealthy 60-year-old man with a bad knee and a serious Nyquil habit. How the hell am I supposed to explain to my reader(s) why I haven’t been able to stick three coherent sentences together. It’s over. Move on. I have a wide variety of friends and relatives you can stay with. It’s time to broaden your horizons, spread your wings.
The Guy Who’s Been Sick For Two Months