Culinary Misadventures

They say that some people shouldn’t be allowed to own cameras. Unfortunately, I happen to be one of those people. I also happen to own a camera. So, when I was searching for something that would make for an easy lunch and my eyes fell on a tin of canned octopus, I thought: sandwich. Then, I thought: Maybe the Internet would like to hear about this. These are perhaps the sort of thoughts I should ignore, but hey, what the hell, right?

The ingredients: “Vigo” brand canned Spanish octopus (in soy sauce and olive oil), “Country Ploughman’s” pickle (note: that’s pickle, not pickles. those familiar with British food will know the difference; those unfamiliar with British food: you’re probably better off anyway).

The octopus, decanted, drained, and washed. I had to wash it because, the last time I ate that brand of canned octopus (yes, that has happened more than once), I found the black crud on the outside of the octopus bits truly bitter and awful.

Spreading the pickle on the octopus. Because making a sandwich with nothing but octopus would just be silly

Lunch.

Judgment: You might think that a sandwich made with canned octopus and vegetable spread would either have to be awful or wonderful, but as it turned out, the sandwich was rather…blah. Aside from a few tongue-tormenting encounters with leftover bits of the black crud, the octopus didn’t taste like much of anything, and towards the middle of the sandwich, the pickle totally overpowered it.

Flavor: Like pickle mingled with the smell of genitals. 5/10

Texture: Like eating a bunch of canned meat with pickle spread on it. 5/10

Hunger Satisfaction: Probably nutritionally equivalent to eating your own foot, but a lot less painful. Did leave me with a nasty, greasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, though. 8/10

Stay tuned, because God willing, I’ll be eating other such strange things in the future. After all, not far from where I found the octopus is the second crown jewel of my pantry: a tin of escargot.

Note: I wouldn’t reccomend trying this. For a few hours afterwards, I had a lovely feeling of having oil on the brain.

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