English and I Don’t Get Along

I may have mentioned this before, but I have a problem with the English language. Ever since I was a child in elementary school, I’ve had in the back of my mind a list of contradictions and problems with the language. I was always harshly criticized by my friends and teachers when I attempted to fit the irregular verbs into the regular framework, and as a result, I was forcibly taught the language properly. But my discontent at its irregularities, contradictions, and problems remained, and to this day, they still annoy me.

These thoughts were forced back to the forefront when I began taking German in high school. So much of German made sense, all fitting into the established grammatical rules, that I began to see English the way non-native speakers see it: an overly complicated and contrived bundle of words and makeshift, jury-rigged rules. And having seen this in English, I began to see it in German as well. German may be much more sensible than English, but it, too, has its irregular verbs, verbs that don’t conjugate properly, for whatever reason. So my search for a less-confusing language continued.

I then learned of Esperanto, and after perusing some introductory material on the Internet, began an attempt to teach it to myself. This attempt turned into a whole series, each one punctuated by my losing interest for a few months, forgetting what I’d learned, and then going back and having to re-do the online course.

At some point during all this, I learned of Lojban. Lojban is now, in my mind, the best artificial language on the planet. It may be the best overall. It is, from the material I’ve read and from what little experience I’ve had with it, completely unambiguous, logical, and sensible. The only downside is that, after many years of English, my brain is apparently quite averse to a language that makes perfect sense. I simply have trouble wrapping my head around it. That (coupled, probably, with my utter impatience) has made Lojban the most difficult language I’ve yet tried to learn. But, if nothing distracts me, perhaps I’ll be able to give it another go.

I have just one more thing to say. To the English language: Curse you English, curse you.

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2 Responses to “English and I Don’t Get Along”

  1. thought-of-something Says:

    In your quest for the perfect, most logical language, did you ever come across one called Sanskrit?

    This is an ancient language that originated in India a long long long time ago. (I don’t know when). I don’t know the language myself, but I’ve heard that it is logical. Very much so. In fact, some words in German originate from Sanskrit (don’t ask me which.. though I *think* one of them was “breath”), plus some computer languages are also based on it.

    Hopefully, it’ll be close to what you’re looking for.

  2. Jack Tafoya Says:

    I read your English Language ‘gripe’ a few years ago and I agree with you. I wrote a book called HOW THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE CONTROLS THE WORLD which took me 20 yrs of research to decode the language. We live in the “age of Langu” (Fr. for ‘tongue’) Orwell predicted as Newspeak/Doublespeak. I would appreciate communicating with you if possible and get some comments on my book.


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