**Heavy Sigh of Relief**

Where to begin…?

What I prophesized to be a day of horror turned out much better than I expected. Sure, I was busy from 1:30 PM all the way to 8:something PM, but I actually have the feeling I got something tangible done.

Since Charlie needed some more interviewees for his Senior Exit video, we returned to the park to get some footage. Of course, we had our share of bizarre mishaps and mistakes, but it came out well in the end.

We wanted to get at least twenty people interviewed. We ended up with eight, and had to settle. Then there were the mysterious few who were willing to answer the questions but not appear on camera. And then there was the entertaining minority of people who gave us rambling or totally nonsensical answers.

After our marathon of human-filming, I struck upon the “brilliant” idea of filming a piteous dirty stream to add some pathos and dramatic effect to the video. What we ended up with looked like a video of someone doing a documentary on a floating leaf. We tried to get some more video of streams, most of which was mediocre. We used it anyway.

Then, after we had eaten a second lunch at Wendy’s, I was struck by another of those “brilliant” ideas—which I try to avoid, but sometimes they still sneak up on me—“Hey! Why don’t we film the parking lot and count the unnecessary vehicles.” That didn’t pan out. I didn’t want someone screaming “Turn off the camera, motehrfucker,” then drop-kicking me.

Post-idea, I managed to get blugeoned in the cerebrum by another “streak of brilliance”. “Hey, Charlie, why don’t we film the gas station to show some inefficiency or something like that.” We ended up looking like a cross between Geraldo Rivera, the show “Cheaters”, and the paparazzi.

Brace yourselves! “Inspiration” came my way again, and we ended up filming traffic. Oy.

In the end, we found ourselves at home with about fifteen minutes of video. Almost all of it was mediocre. The rest was truly awful. While we were in the park, something possessed me to film a lonely blue Heron to show the decimation of wildlife, in keeping with Charlie’s pro-environment theme. Didn’t work out.

The editing, actually, was the worst part of the whole affair. We had a go “VHS-splicing” our tape, and only at the end did we realize that I’d added in some awkward pauses and subtracted some important bits. So we tried again. I managed to completely omit one of the introductory scenes. We decided to switch to the second VHS to avoid getting lots of crap from the previous splicings. This time, we “got it right”.

The end result: an awkward, choppy, poorly-shot, unscripted, badly edited, shoddily-spliced, amateurish VHS video with paper title cards, no musical score, no digital effects, and no future in Hollywood.

On the plus side, I’m now seriously rethinking making the Kung-Fu movie I was planning to make about three years ago. We wouldn’t need skillful editing for that…

Of course, if I’d actually fixed my digital camera like I meant to, we could have had poorly composed video…with text!

Today was like being beaten by a lemon-scented hammer…


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